You may shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you will never again be foolish enough to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with just a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for several weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you'll be back for a rematch sooner or later. You can not just let that Bandit win so conveniently, can you? No way.

It is just a machine, after all, with a "brain" comprised of wires and microchips. You, on the contrary, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to possess any hope at all in surviving the global war against machines that surely will come some day, we'd better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter in this particular sort of sweeping historical context and also you will see that it is not simply a choice but an obligation that you can get back on the horse without delay.

Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it could be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

You might not know that the slot machine goes by different names in overseas nations. As an example, in the United Kingdom, it's called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the slot is referred to as a "poker machine," which is even more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl's toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you will get it.)

Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or more reels, which spin whenever a lever on the side of the machine is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the cash inserted to play. The equipment typically pays off based on patterns of symbols visible when the reels stop.

OK, enough for the description. Generally, onto those tips that have been promised a couple of paragraphs ago:

Become intimately familiar with each slot machine's payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have a few banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, which is where you should play.

Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for time and money spent. Even when you don't hit the jackpot, you may still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, and other perks.

This certainly will be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you may afford and similar web site only spend money you may risk losing. Seriously.

Walk away when you are losing and become irritated. Playing slot machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not only a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it's no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.